I long for the days of years past. 5 longs years to be almost precise.
Laughing carefree. Creating havoc wherever we went. We didn't care what happened. We were enjoying life, being troublemakers, trouble youth. But we were together, we were close and almost never separated. You were the one I called every time, who was there to laugh and cry. Our moms would always call eachother to see who was at who's house, and if they were ever going to come home ha. But we didn't care about the world. We enjoyed watching our first anime. Watched each other grow in and out of awkward phases. Kept secrets we knew would eventually get out. Shared fights that would only strengthen our bond. Even when we faced our worst fight, we overcame it, both feeling heartache everytime someone on either's side would lash out with harsh words at the other. Then you met that man who would be your other half, and I was so happy for you, Even when we were separated by thousands of miles. We'd still gather what money we could to buy phone cards and call eachother everyday. I'll never forget the call that I felt I had to take and left the class to hear your voice on the other end asking me to guess what had happened... I thought I was only joking around when I asked if you were pregnant. I watched you grow up through photographs, from this crazy wild child to a young mom. I had to admit I was jealous and sad I couldn't be there like your friends overseas. But those are the days I missed, the days before we started drifting further apart.
The calls stopped coming, slowly trickling down to internet conversations, then to comments online every now and then.. and stopping. Sometimes I felt sad when I saw all the pictures you posted online. Like I was missing out on the best years of your life, everyone around you was getting to share in you raising your first kid while I sat on the sidelines hoping for a call, hoping you'd let your child know what friends we had been. But then I'd sit back and realize how were both growing up in separate worlds, me with my friends and you with yours, and maybe you were wishing we were closer, that my friends were lucky to have me. I just wish we would be as close as before. Everytime we meet now face to face, somethings missing. I feel like you don't care whether I'm there or not, that I'm just someone you can call up when your home who comes running to accompany you somewhere. Or someone you can email when you need some kind of computer graphics done. Even when I go to extra lengths to spend money on a flight to visit you when I don't have that money anymore, I can feel worthless the whole time in your presence. And I know you probably don't even notice my feelings. Though I know you feel the distance seeping further. Your life and my life each grows and changes us, we can't help the passage of time. But I wish you would notice my efforts sometimes, I wish you would notice the pain I feel when you ignore me for your new life. Because you are my best friend, someone I've talked to and shared things with that no one will ever know. Even if I'm quiet, you know me best and should know that I am feeling something even if I'm not showing it. I want to still be part of your new life, so I wish you would let me in again. Please don't forget to call me when your home, even if it's just to go to run errands with you. I've known you more than half my life and I would still like to know you for another.
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